Tuesday, August 26, 2014

What I really do between 3pm & 5pm

I know a lot of people think that  when I run out of the store in the afternoons from 3-5pm that's it's a blast.  Pretty sure the image in their minds is me asleep somewhere in a hammock, with a  giant pina colada nearby and a huge sombrero across my face for siesta effect.  Not exactly.


I beetle out of here for the 3 mile trek home, which can  take from 7 minutes to 20, depending upon who I get behind. Dash into the house,  let Dachshund out of pen first, leap the baby gate in the hallway second, let  baby Panda kitten out of the bathroom and plop him in his playroom third. Yell  at the pair of braying donkeys in the great-dane-sized dog crate which are really Basset Hounds. LOUD Basset Hounds.


Leash/collar on little dog who is good and already waiting politely by the door. Leash /collar on boy Basset  who is racing around yelling, dragging squeaky toys out, trying to "play" with  the cat. Cat is not amused. Leash/collar on
second dog.....I'm missing  something.....yeah, because girl Basset
must always rush to water bowl when I  get home to drink it all then move to the next one and drink it too, just to  illustrate how awfully thirsty she is. And then she locates the largest clean  rug, the one that is the most difficult to clean and spits all over it....unless  I'm super quick with leash/collar and we all fall out the door together. 


Quick potty time outside because it's usually hot, come back in. All  dogs
race off as if the lottery of hot dog stands awaits.....really it's an 
attempt to get to check out the cats litter box before me. I win. Grab old and 
chronically confused Insane Cat and food and place in bedroom to eat in 
peace....do head count, come up with only two dogs. Durn it, one was already on
the bed when I shut the door with the cat and his food so now we have a
cat, no  food, and a Basset grinning and licking a bowl. Basset exits bedroom
as does  cat, I refill bowl, re-catch cat, re-shut door.

Back over the baby gate  to the hallway to check on the Kung Foo Panda. He
doesn't want to play alone. He  wants huggies and snuggles and for me to
roll the ball, play wif his mousie,  etc. I'm fine with all of these things but
time is ticking so instead of hooking  his dagger claws into my skin and
climbing up my leg I encourage him to run and  play with toys.


Braying donkeys have launched back into song because I  LEFT. You know, not
just on the other side of the door.....I LEFT the building.  Dash back over
baby gate, take aim with the squirt bottle at the braying ones  and head
back to the bedroom where Insane Cat is supposedly eating in peace. 
Supposedly, because he's not eating. Pate food is only supposed to be served on 
alternate days, I missed the memo and failed task #17. Scoop up uneaten bowl, 
place on counter, go to fridge for kitten food, components for dogs dinner,
etc.  Insane Cat changes his mind and dives into the bowl of uneaten food
that I left  out causing it to slide off the counter and crash onto floor, much
to the  delight of the donkeys.


Dog food is prepped....one in the bedroom, one  in the pen, leaving the one
who can only eat kibble-by-kibble now free to munch  in peace. SLOWLY. Grab
cordless vacuum and kitten meal and dash over gate again.  Vacuum up the
litter which doubles as a toy in the bathroom, replace pad under  water bowl
which doubles as swimming pool, open the other bedroom door and catch  Panda.
Treat his eye with medication as he becomes cheerful upon seeing food 
while I'm struggling to get the goop into the eye. Release Panda, scrabble on 
the floor for the cap to the tube of goop, shut bathroom door, back over the 
gate.


One donkey in the bedroom is long done eating and resumes braying.  Other
donkey is on kibble #117 with more to go......I scoop up remaining kibbles 
since I already opened bedroom door to yell at donkey #1 about the braying
and  now he's out. To avoid bloodshed #2 is just going to have to eat later
when I  have an hour or so. Dart around collecting all the bowls, also to
avoid  bloodshed.


Leash all dogs, repeat  falling-out-the-door-tangled-in-leashes routine.
Potty break - after we move  several times because the first place smells like
bunny rabbit so we are too  busy snuffling, second place has a loud truck
within eyesight and is Scary, so  we finally locate a peaceful spot. I have
no idea how I'm doing on time because  I can't remember where my phone is.


Back in the house which goes well  because falling UP the steps tangled in
leashes is easier than going down.  Double check to make sure I shut door to
Panda's temporary holding pen. Double  check to make sure no cat is locked
in bedroom with or without food. Good little  dog is already curled up in
his pen snuggled in a blanket, I usher donkeys 1  & 2 into crate. Grab my
keys, find phone, dehydration is pending so I reach  in the fridge for a water
and slide across the kitchen floor on the way because  donkey #1 has
well.....it's called wet mouth when they are really drooly. I  catch myself before
my knee actually doubles over frontwards and limp to the  door.


It's 3 miles back to work, depending on what insanity lies in  front of me.
Drink water I remind myself, it's hot out....oh never mind, looks  like I
dropped the water trying to grab the counter and not fall earlier in the 
kitchen slippy-slide. Never mind. I don't NEED water. Arrive back at work, rush
in from parking lot as I spy people congregated around the door, just in
time to  hear them say how nice it is that I can go relax in the afternoons.