Monday, June 20, 2016

I'm Overwhelmed by what I Can't Understand (6/20/16, part 11)

Monday, June 20th: Following the conversation with mom's physical therapist last week, I've been out running around obtaining the recommended safety items. Since I'm heading back down to Virginia tomorrow, I have the tub safety bench and grab bars already purchased and in the car. Making the mistake a few days ago of mentioning this to mom was of course, stupid on my part, since she launched into an explanation of how she would decide what's necessary in her house, how I don't need to get anything and that she's not going to use whatever I bring down. Then she hangs up on me.

But the home health agency and their variety of staff, specifically the ones visiting mom which are physical therapists and nurses, have felt these things are important and I'm grateful for their feedback. I'm also trying to do everything they say because if mom remains in her own home those folks may be the people who will be visiting more frequently and I want to ensure that we are taking the steps to ensure safety as they are suggesting. I'm already dreading the 14 hour day tomorrow along with the thought of dragging the shower chair into the house and being met with annoyance and disgust. I've mentioned the life alert which was also suggested by the home health care folks, and which mom is refusing to move forward on; she won't look at the links I send her and doesn't want me to pick it out for her certainly. The continual excuses of how she needs time to research and look them up are just repeated over and over with no forward movement and at what point do I just put an end to this waffling and order the alert system? Where do I step in and ignore her outbursts and complaints? If she's made up her mind that she's not going to use it why do I even bother?
I hate this endless loop of nothing; the constant criticism of what I say and do; the remarks at how much time is being wasted by bringing up such trivial things such as if she took her medications. Which in fact, she isn't taking. If I call at night she says she's taking them in the morning and if I call at night the answer is always the opposite. I'm angry and struggling to comprehend the medical terms, the many processes for insurance and care, and how to deal with the behavior of what appears to be rapidly progressing. I'm angry at the hospital for not seeing what I see and for letting her go home at all when it looks as if she needs far more supervision....

"Life on Delmarva" • #delmarvausa