Monday, October 24, 2016

Changes, part 22: In two days we move mom into the nursing home....

I stood on the beach where for so many years I've gone to heal, grieve, cry and find peace......but today even the brisk October winds couldn't dry the tears that kept falling from my eyes. I whispered to the sea "my mother is dying", and the echo of the seagulls and the roar of the ocean had no answers this time. "She isn't dying - yet", I explained choking back sobs; "her mind is going and my choices are fading". The breezes continued to blow down the shore and the waves tumbled and rolled and fell over one another again and again, just like they always do, but they offered no comfort this time, only silence. And then the spirits of the sea sighed and spoke, but only to tell me there was nothing more I could do, that I needed to prepare myself for two deaths, because this was the double edged sword of dementia.


In just three days I head back to concrete jungle.....back to the bustling city and highways and traffic of Virginia. But this time is different, this time is a final step as we move my mother into a dementia care facility. Just saying it makes me feel badly for second-guessing this choice since the care and the place and the people are so far above average - it's a place where she can likely interact and have activities and do so much more than she has been doing just sitting in her chair......and yet I hate everything about having made this choice.....




"Life on Delmarva" • #delmarvausa