Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Sometimes We Struggle - Yet Sometimes We FLY

10:54AM. That’s what time it was before I looked at the tiny clock in the corner of my laptop screen and realized it was well past the “I’m just going to get online for a few minutes and update my pages” zone. I wasn’t even wasting time playing on Pinterest or Googling craft ideas or fabulous vacation homes; but WRITING (yes, using real words…. the kind which when assembled together correctly , create complete and well-defined sentences).

I added my thoughts to a blog post discussing the value of spending locally, replied to comments about small business and shared concise directions for a marketing technique I’d created. Seeing the announcement for an upcoming event, I summarized and wrote an invitation for a select group of individuals, updated my client’s social sites and researched a topic online - and all this without having to backspace sixteen times to reformat what was in my brain. I was ON IT, humming along and cranking tasks out - because the all too familiar sense of “being stuck on what to do or say” hadn’t yet surfaced and for a little while I was free. Free from the baggage which often weighs me down; unencumbered by the weight of struggle and the repetition of having to go back over; re-write and edit. It was all falling into place for me as I soared above the usual constraints and limits I’ve come to know, as I flew high above such petty roadblocks and instead created statements and summaries and concepts with meaning. Lasting only a few hours, it was as if I’d found my way into a world of magic, and in that time I rose above the challenges which generally ground me so often.

I’m all too familiar with struggling so often, fighting to stay focused and searching endlessly for the right things to say or write. I grasp for fleeting moments of productivity which fly by so quickly, wishing I could catch those bright spots in a day and somehow keep and hold onto them. I LIVE for the times in life which aren’t so painfully difficult, thinking perhaps that “success” is a temporary experience for me, and that I’m not privileged to reach it as often as others. To find that such achievements are within one’s reach I mused, on a regular basis, maybe even simply whenever one wanted to be productive - well, I can’t imagine what that could feel like.

No one has ever shared with me that they fight constantly, or how rare the moments of magic happen for them, and thus I’ve come to assume that for regular people the struggle which overshadows my life isn’t present in theirs. Reluctantly, I’ve come to accept that I’m different; to know that a process which may take you an hour to complete may well involve eight hours of challenges for me. Planning ahead and building in extra time, consistently having excuses to use when running hopelessly late on a project; those tools have become part of my life and how I operate, since it’s never clear when I’ll hit the sweet spot and fly. But today….today something clicked and connected…, if only for a short time, I flew.