Perhaps if folks understood more about the what and why....maybe they'd give us a break and not constantly nag us to participate in things we hate. Let's get one thing out in the open..... introverts don't hate people (okay, maybe sometimes); we hate being forced into awkward situations which drain energy. It takes a LOT of energy and mental fuel to attend social events, make conversation, attempt small talk, and generally try to be something I'm not. I like people; embrace the idea of community and neighbors and good folks coming together.....
really, I do....it's the process of social banter which feels like something draining my soul.
The casual chit chat of dinner parties, networking events, waiting around for a movie to begin.....I'm hopelessly lost at social skills needed for such activities. I can engage all day long in discussions about the economy, local history, business, attempting to make the world a better place....but the small talk is agony. I don't have the frame of reference for pop culture most people my age do, and I miss a lot of subtle references to things many folks take for granted. Not because I'm not paying attention, but because I can't relate to a lot of topics I didn't grow up around.
Finding myself in situations which put me on the spot, require that I laugh politely at other's jokes, discuss the weather (as if it really matters!) - those are the things that choke and suffocate me. It feels like I'm trial or something, scrambling to come up with the right words or appropriate actions, when deep down I know I'm going to crack and screw up the process somehow - and that's okay! 😂 I never needed to be part of that process anyway....it's generally others who feel as if we MUST be part of it.
Participation takes on many forms and behaviors, and while some may think talking up a storm or being the life of the party is how to have a good time, some of us ARE participating simply by being there. Soaking up the conversation, listening and noticing....that is usually kind of fascinating for me to watch, however it's rare for me to find the necessary responses or words to join the back-and-forth flow of chit chat. I attempt frequently to practice conversation and be graceful in social settings, and while it never feels quite right, it's often good enough to fool others. And if that makes a few people happy, I'm okay trying it occasionally.
While there is no one specific way to accurately describe all introverts, I believe most want to feel included - by that I mean invited, welcomed, accepted - but as we are, not as someone else would like us to be.
The casual chit chat of dinner parties, networking events, waiting around for a movie to begin.....I'm hopelessly lost at social skills needed for such activities. I can engage all day long in discussions about the economy, local history, business, attempting to make the world a better place....but the small talk is agony. I don't have the frame of reference for pop culture most people my age do, and I miss a lot of subtle references to things many folks take for granted. Not because I'm not paying attention, but because I can't relate to a lot of topics I didn't grow up around.
Finding myself in situations which put me on the spot, require that I laugh politely at other's jokes, discuss the weather (as if it really matters!) - those are the things that choke and suffocate me. It feels like I'm trial or something, scrambling to come up with the right words or appropriate actions, when deep down I know I'm going to crack and screw up the process somehow - and that's okay! 😂 I never needed to be part of that process anyway....it's generally others who feel as if we MUST be part of it.
Participation takes on many forms and behaviors, and while some may think talking up a storm or being the life of the party is how to have a good time, some of us ARE participating simply by being there. Soaking up the conversation, listening and noticing....that is usually kind of fascinating for me to watch, however it's rare for me to find the necessary responses or words to join the back-and-forth flow of chit chat. I attempt frequently to practice conversation and be graceful in social settings, and while it never feels quite right, it's often good enough to fool others. And if that makes a few people happy, I'm okay trying it occasionally.
While there is no one specific way to accurately describe all introverts, I believe most want to feel included - by that I mean invited, welcomed, accepted - but as we are, not as someone else would like us to be.
community first • marketing consultant • advocate for small business • lover
of classic cars • beach girl • believer that "together we accomplish more"
